Sexuality is an aspect of being human that is fraught with shame. Through our culture we inherit numerous negative, shame-building messages about our bodies and sexuality. In order develop into an adult with a healthy sense of sexuality; we must pass through a rigorous and complex emotional/physical/spiritual obstacle course in which many falter. Each one of us can achieve a maturity by letting go of shame and accepting ourselves as good, healthy sexual beings.
To give you an idea of what healthy sexuality is, I suggest to you several guideposts along your journey you may consider: firstly that sex is a healthy, vital part of the human experience. In saying this, I do not mean that all the ways people sexually behave are healthy, but that in each one of us, there is some form of sexual expression that is important and essential to our complete humanness. Pleasure is a right and a gift, that we may experience through our bodies and has no necessary link to feelings of guilt or shame.
Because of old beliefs and attitudes, it is difficult, though important to accept that our bodies, including our sex parts, are good and deserve positive attention and praise rather than criticism and negativity. Sexual maturity blooms when we demonstrate that sex is an expression of the highest and best in us, and that shame has no place here. We have matured when we have developed a sexual voice, evidence that we possess the strength to be responsible for our sexual experience, and that we choose to vocalize our sexual needs and doing so by lovingly offering instructions to our partner as to how our body works and how we need to be pleasured.
Maturity in sex means possessing the ability to share with our partner, in a reciprocal manner, so that we express the strength to give pleasure as well as the strength to surrender in receiving it as well. It also means an ability to let go of ourselves by falling into relaxation, despite the inherent vulnerability in sexual sharing.
Sex and love are often linked, but the two are not the same. In mature sex, pleasure is given lovingly so that the line between them melts away. As the two are blended when mature partners master the art of pleasure, then too, does sexuality blend into spirituality where merging of partners overcomes experience of separateness. Sex is not less than spirituality, but an essential and healthy beginning in the human journey of growth towards it.
This article first appeared published in SoCo Magazine.