More Than Just Lip Service...The Pleasures of Oral Sex

 Most sexual encounters are like a multi-act drama in which each act features a central pleasuring activity. Oral sex is the source of exquisite pleasure; a popular method to give and receive the gift of sexual attention. While common in the sexual repertoire of many, oral sex is equally avoided by many others. Sex is an intimate act, so much so that the word “intimacy” is commonly used to mean sex. Kissing, however, is rated as more intimate than many acts of giving sexual pleasure. Among sexual acts, oral sex is at the top of the list regarding what is considered most intimate.

Genitals are our “private” body parts. They possess a quality of being tremendously personal, whether or not the owner attaches to them pride or shame. Having oral contact with these intensely private parts is highly personal and highly erotic. Granting to another such close access to our private parts is exciting due to the risk of openness and vulnerability. So many people have ambivalence about their sex parts, because of the association of strong shame, a sense of dirty-ness, the embarrassment of vulnerability, but also a vital curiosity, which links our body to the magic of reproduction and the seduction of sexual pleasure. Whether you are God-believing or not, it is difficult to prove that our genitals were created with any less attention or love than any other part of our bodies. Is it a mistake that the greatest bundle of pleasure-producing nerve endings are located so close to a place of elimination?

Oral sex is special, close personal contact with the lover’s genitals, a body part which potently symbolizes the lover’s very masculinity or femininity. Our mouths and tongues are organs also exquisitely supplied with nerve endings. For the skilled lover the tongue functions like a highly-calibrated tool capable of excelling at delicately stimulating sensitive nerve endings like no other. Intimately serving your lover by giving the gift of oral pleasure is certain to win gratitude and appreciation. It deepens the bond between lovers because of its intimate nature, but also because of the hint of dirtiness that exists within most minds, raising high its erotic appeal.

But for some oral sex is emphatically distasteful and controversial. Too many lovers complain about their sexual partners, “If I get oral sex, then it must be the end of a decade!” Others express frustration; “My partner has no skill at oral pleasure.” For the many people who associate genitals with dirtiness, oral sex resides beyond the line of acceptability. It is the sensitive lover who fully recognizes the place of hygiene in sexual and intimate matters. Hygiene is a gift of love that invites greater closeness and permits fuller pleasure. The good lover is a strong person, who pushes beyond personal limitations to succeed at loving the partner so deeply that he or she feels divine.

Above all else, oral sex is about giving; it is about loving in a deep way which by its very enactment proclaims acceptance of the partner’s worthiness as a man or a woman. The skill it takes to offer the full-bodied pleasure of oral sex must not be overlooked. Ask your partner what makes the difference between a mere sexual act and otherworldly pleasure. This article first appeared when published in SoCo magazine.