A lot of people say they want great sex. There are tricks to being a great lover, many of which are not ready to be printed here. Among the more basic but none-the-less vital keys to great sex is relaxation. Disappointed? It is true that relaxation doesn’t sound very sexy.
Great sex is also fun sex. Try to recall different times when you were involved in activities that were fun for you. During these times, did you laugh at all? If you were having fun, you were probably relaxed, because having fun and being relaxed necessarily go together.
Contrary to popular belief, sex is more emotional than it is a physical activity. Our emotional state dictates the flavor of our experience and strongly affects the level of our performance regardless of whether we are involved in a sporting competition, a job interview, a social gathering or sexual session with our love partner. If stress or anxiety are present our awareness of our bodies and the sensitivity we have to the moment are dulled. It would appear to our partner that there is simply “less of us” than if we were relaxed; just as a beautiful song, if its volume were turned very low, would be more difficult to appreciate.
If during sex, we are worried about performing well, about satisfying our partner, about how our body looks, or even worse disconnected from the present by thinking about problems, worrying about our job, the kids, or formulating our grocery-shopping list our sexual experience is neither relaxed nor fun. In this state our bodies are less responsive and our experience of pleasure is likely to be muted. Our partner is sure to be aware of his or her loneliness in the sexual experience.
Sex is an emotionally challenging activity during which the achievement of relaxation, especially for those who do not always delight in this kind of closeness, is difficult. If achieved, being relaxed is an important key to fun and great sex. Andrew Aaron, LICSW 508-997-6091 x106